Monday, January 26, 2009

Don't Be An Ass....

Brianna Popsickle:
Letters From A Suburban Prison

Don’t be an Ass….

Greg Bebrendt and Liz Tucillo’s book, He’s Just Not That Into You, has created a lot of buzz, as has the movie, set to open next week. Bebrendt and Tucillo attempt to bridge the gap in communication between men and women. They set out to teach women to interpret the actions of the men in their lives. They claim that despite women coming up with every excuse in the book for a guy’s behaviour, he does what he does, not because he’s stressed, afraid of a relationship, or misunderstood, but because he’s ‘just not that into her’.

Although the book may be helpful in interpreting men’s actions and words, it still doesn’t answer the most important question. Why? Why do men say what they say, do what they do, often oblivious to the affect their words and actions have on the women around them.

For instance, a guy asks a girl for her phone number. She gives it to him but he never calls. Is she expecting too much? Is she wrong in assuming he wants her number in order to call her? Maybe he has a collection of numbers and is merely adding to it. When you order a pizza over the phone, they ask for your number. Do they always call you?

Bebrendt and Tuccillo believe he’s just not that into her, and they’re right. However, I think, his behavior is also an indication of something else, something bigger, much bigger. Which brings me to suggest there be another attempt at bridging the gap. Another book, only this time, a book for men. It should be titled Don’t Be An Ass.

It’s too bad this book couldn’t have come first. It could have saved women a lot of confusion and heartache. Don’t Be An Ass, would be a guide for men on what to do and not do, what to say and not say, in order to attract (and keep) the women they are ‘into’. It will be written in words even they can understand.

For example:

Your girlfriend is out of town, you’re at a party and this hot blonde is all over you. What your girlfriend doesn’t know won’t hurt her right? I mean, it’s not like you’re married.

STOP! Don’t be an Ass. They always find out, and it always hurts. Before you know it, you’ll be the guy in Carrie Underwood’s song, ‘Before He Cheats’. You know, the one where she digs her key into the side of his 4-wheel drive, and takes a baseball bat to his headlights? How about you guys stop and think before you cheat?

It’s late, things are winding down at the bar, your buddies have all hooked up and you’re left with no one. Then you see her across the room, and surprisingly the girl you avoided like the plague at midnight, is looking a lot better to you at 2:30 a.m. You’re not coming away from the night with nothing, you’ve got to get her number at least.

STOP! Don’t be an Ass. You really don’t want her number, you’re not going to use the number, walk away. Why put her through the whole wondering why you didn’t call paranoia. Don’t be an Ass, just walk away.

Your girlfriend has been busting her butt at the gym for weeks to squeeze into her little black dress for the party. The big day comes and she barely squeezes into it. Her butt hasn’t gone anywhere. She asks you “Do I look fat in this dress?”

STOP, for the love of God, don’t be an Ass. It is not the time or the place to offer
helpful suggestions on increasing her workouts or cutting back on her food. Now
is the time, and you won’t hear this often, to LIE. Tell her she looks amazing and
both of you will enjoy your evening out.

Your friends set you up on a blind date it goes O.K. but you know it’s not going anywhere. The next day you see she’s changed her face book profile to ‘in a relationship’ and she’s left ten messages on your cell. It’s apparent she’s the stalker/nut bar type but you can’t help but think of the ‘fringe’ benefits.

STOP, don’t be an Ass, walk away. Don’t lead this psycho on. Better to end it before it begins. You’re familiar with the whole Fatal Attraction thing right? You don’t want any dead bunnies.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Women everywhere want to scream “Don’t be an Ass! They’re tired of men saying this and doing that, and to add
insult to injury they have to hear ‘he’s just not that into you’.

Here’s your opportunity girls, let’s hear it! What advice do you have for these guys?


Anonymous said...

Ok you guys out there - listen to Brianna Popsickle - she'll help you stay out of the dog house.

Briana Popsickle said...

Thanks for the comment, hope they get it.

Mel said...

Bless you, Aunt-of-my-friend-Ayzia. Boys... should I say men ... no, boys will do ... apparently often fail to grasp the sentiment so well-expressed here.

I just read the 'gospel' of "He's Just Not that Into You." While I appreciate the "you deserve better" sentiment, you are SO right in that the authors never explain the "why" component. Its in their "XwhY" chromosomes perhaps ;)

Briana Popsickle said...

They are right when they say 'you deserve better'. The guys out there need to hear it. Got any other examples, words of advice to throw at them Mel?

Anonymous said...

i think the lines "now is just not the right time" or "i'm too busy right now for a relationship" are the worst. My poor roommate has actually convinced herself that this loser will one day want to make time for her and has been waiting around for him for two months.

Brianna Popsickle said...

Bebrendt & Tucillo would tell your roommate 'he's just not that into you'. They would be right!
If he doesn't have time for her now, he never will. The guy needs to step away, and she needs to move on.

Linda said...

This could and should be a guys "little black book" which they should read on a daily basis. Maybe some of it will stick!

How about when you're watching t.v. with your guy and he says "why don't you grow your hair like that?" Hello!! who else do you want me to look like!

Mae said...

What about the absurd rules guys follow even when they call you for a date or post first date? actually tells them "wait at least two days before calling. Don't make the mistake of calling her the very next day just to let her know that you're interested -- she'll think you have no real life to get on with." Seriously? If you like the girl grow a pair and call already! Sheesh.

Mae said...

What about the absurd rules guys follow when calling for a date or post first date? tells them, "wait at least two days before calling. Don't make the mistake of calling her the very next day just to let her know that you're interested -- she'll think you have no real life to get on with". Seriously? If you like a girl grow a pair and call already! Sheesh.

Brianna Popsickle said...

Right on Mae! You go girl!

Brianna Popsickle said...

I hear ya Linda. Next time he says that, make him a deal. You'll grow your hair like her, right after he builds up his body like Matthew McConaughey. Oh yeah.